Saving something for the sake of the sarcasm in it.

My only quibble... shouldn't that read, CIA News? Not that their stories couldn't possibly be true. It's just, people might want truth in advertising and all that.

And I will talk to you about the reason for those events, and I will be honest with you about the moments the decision was made so that you can ponder. And I tell you, God only knows, that we never had the intentions to destroy the towers.

But after the injustice was so much and we saw transgressions and the coalition between Americans and the Israelis against our people in Palestine and Lebanon, it occurred to my mind that we deal with the towers.  --Osama

Quite a story, huh?

No word yet on how he knew to schedule the attacks to coincide with so many drills... I'm not sure that even Metabunk coincidence theorists are up to the task on that one. But anyway, Osama's apparent theory about his own conspiracy: "We didn't even intend and conspire to destroy the towers. But then, we did!" Pretty amazing that this genius mastermind apparently knew that they would collapse from two planes hitting them after he began conspiring to "destroy the towers," too. I'd imagine that from the perspective of coincidence theorists he must have known that the jet fuel would burn hot enough and that planes would hit in the right place to cause a pancake effect and so on and so forth. Or was all that just luck and happenstance? Amazing how he could incorporate that much luck into his conspiracy according to this CIA/CNN transcript, if so.

Still, a little more explanation and technical detail might be nice from the CIA/CNN and Osama with respect to all of this, other than just: "So then once I conspired to make the two towers collapse with two planes and got lucky with 7.... we sent Atta in... but I forgot to tell him not to leave his Koran in the car... and then we partnered with Iraq to do some Anthrax attacks too... unless you can prove that we didn't... uh, or somethin'.  Well, I hope that you're deterred from attacking Iraq based on our conspiracy anyway."

He also apparently mumbled something about Bush being corrupt... but how did "the base" actually get their men into the country?  Oh, that's right.  It doesn't really matter when you're writing a modern mythology for "the base" of each political party in America.